


you think the worst is a broken heart (what's gonna kill you is the second part)

by candyflossclifford



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, College AU, Established Relationship, M/M, One-Shot, Unhappy Ending, michael is kinda sad in this too, there's an oc in this too but barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:49:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candyflossclifford/pseuds/candyflossclifford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Looking back, Michael wishes they were back in high school. Because once they entered into their first year of college, everything changed.<br/>	It started within their first month. The day late replies to texts, the missed phone calls and the canceled dates. Both boys were lost, because they were each other’s rock and didn’t know how to cope when the other was missing. "</p>
<p>Or, Michael and Luke were each other's star, but one wrong decision causes them to burn each other out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you think the worst is a broken heart (what's gonna kill you is the second part)

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii! okay, so i'm back with another fic.  
> this one is based off of the song six degrees of separation by the script.  
> i'm nervous to be posting this, it's been sitting in my written folder for a while but i like it.  
> the writing style i use here isn't one i'll use often, but i'm trying something different. the kinda recap of the relationship is past tense, and the rest is present tense if that makes sense. i also input some song lyrics to separate certain sections of the story!   
> anyways, i'm sorry for the long author's note! thank you so much for giving my story a chance, enjoy! :)

Everyone knew Michael and Luke. Their names were never said separately; everyone around their high school knew them as one entity. 

Michael and Luke had been friends since Year 9, and everyone was shocked in Year 11 when they were walking around the school with their hands laced together and heads held high. It was one of those hate-to-love relationships, which many aspired but could never achieve the strength of Michael and Luke.

They were practically attached at the hip throughout all of Year 12. To some this may sound unhealthy or unstable, and maybe it was, but the thought of leaving each other never crossed either of their minds.

Looking back, Michael wishes they were back in high school. Because once they entered into their first year of college, everything changed.

It started within their first month. The day late replies to texts, the missed phone calls and the canceled dates. Both boys were lost, because they were each other’s rock and didn’t know how to cope when the other was missing. 

Michael had chosen music as his major with a minor in creative writing (he really thought knowing the dynamics of creative writing would help him in the songwriting front), he was nowhere near as busy as Luke, who had decided he was more into psychology than music, and went for a psychology major with a music minor. Despite both being in music, the two had no classes together and were unfortunately put into different dorms.

Michael would constantly try and reach out to Luke for a date, a visit, a short coffee meet up or something; but Luke was so busy with school and everything. So he was lonely. Of course he would hang out with Calum and Ashton, but it wasn’t the same as having your loving boyfriend with you to cheer you up and make up to forget about all of your problems.

It started going downhill at the beginning of the second month of their first semester. Luke finally had a free night, so Michael had arranged for them to go on their first date as new college students.

Around an hour before their date and Michael was deciding on what to wear, he got a phone call from none other than Luke. 

Michael eagerly answered his phone. “Hey babe, I missed your face and I really can’t wait to put our faces back together tonight.” 

Michael had heard Luke snort over the phone; probably face palming at his terrible attempt at flirting or whatever that was supposed to be. “Very romantic,” Luke laughed, happiness present in his voice which brought a grin to Michael's face. He missed his boyfriend. But that smile dissipated when Luke spoke again, a different tone in his voice. “Mikey, something’s come up.”

Worry clouded Michael’s brain. Did he do something? Has he been a terrible boyfriend? Oh, god they hadn’t seen each other in so long and Luke probably moved on and – 

“Michael! Michael, I can hear your breathing speed up through the phone. Calm down, kitten. It’s nothing bad. I promise.” Luke’s calm voice broke Michael out of his thoughts, and immediately felt his heart beat faster at the nickname Luke called him. Michael calmed his breathing, before replying to Luke that he was okay.

“Mikey, I’m really sorry but I can’t make our date tonight.” Michael’s heart broke slightly at that statement, they’ve seen each other twice within the month and now Luke was saying no? 

“Why?” Michael’s voice broke, and he flinched at how weak it sounded.

Michael heard Luke sigh on the other line. “I was looking forward to finally seeing you, Mikey but I just got an e-mail from my partner for our psych research project that his girlfriend just dumped him and won’t be able to finish his part – what a great reason to not do your damn homework, right? – which is practically half the project and it’s due tomorrow and it’s worth 50% of our grade and god, I’m so sorry Mikey but I have to finish it.”

Michael was trying not to cry, it wasn’t his fault or Luke’s that their date had to be canceled, just some dumbass partner. Michael choked back his tears and found his voice to reply. 

“It’s fine, Luke. I understand. But we’ll be able to reschedule right? Soon?” Michael couldn’t help the hope that came through in his voice. Sure, he and Luke had had brief coffee dates, chats and texts but it wasn’t the same as a true, romantic and intimate date.

Luke sighed once again. “I really, really hope so Mikey. I’m sorry again, I have to go and start now. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Michael replied and waited until the dial tone was heard, never wanting to be the one to hang up first. 

Michael was upset. He knew not to be mad at Luke, obviously. His grades meant a lot to him and he just got screwed over. But so had Michael, he’d been looking forward to finally having some alone time with Luke in a more intimate setting all week and now it’s off. He was devastated, but it couldn’t be helped. He felt his phone beep, and saw an incoming text from Ashton.

**From: Ash :)** _hey mikey I heard about Luke’s dilemma and I know you were looking forward to ur date after so long bc you wouldn’t shut up abt it. Wanna come to a party with me n cal to get ur mind off of things?_

Michael thought about it for a minute. Luke wasn’t really the most fond of parties, but getting drunk of his ass sounded nice right now. Luke wouldn’t mind once, would he? He’ll ask Ashton.

**To: Ash :)** _ idk man u know that luke doesn’t like parties or me going 2 them bc of all the shit that happens there. _

**To: Ash :)** _ but it wud be nice 2 get my mind off of things _

**From: Ash :)** _ i’m sure luke would understand this time man! and u shouldn’t let ur relationship hold u down and let luke tell u what to do. come on! it’ll be fun. _

Michael sighed. He had nothing to do and was sad, so he decided fuck it, why not?

**To: Ash :)** _meet u n cal at the dorm entrance_

Michael put his fancy clothes away and settled for a more party style look of ripped jeans, a Green Day tank and a jean jacket.

Little did Michael know that going to this one party would cause even more damage down the road.

***

The fight happened at the beginning of semester two. Thinking back, Michael wishes he wasn’t so stupid. 

After the first party, Luke wasn’t mad and completely understood. One party wouldn’t change anything.

Oh, how wrong Luke was.

After that party, Michael wanted more. He liked getting wasted and he liked getting his mind off of things. So the next weekend, Michael went off to another party. In this case, he missed a text from Luke that said:

**From: Lukey <3 ** _ babe i’m finally free!! i have no classwork!! let’s go on a date!! meet at the park at seven okay! Love you. _

Michael hadn’t shown up. He came back to his dorm wasted, and Luke was sitting on his bed.

Luke had dealt with him, and Michael doesn’t remember much, but he remembered the disappointment in Luke’s eyes.

Similar things kept happening. They would schedule a date, Luke would cancel and Michael would party.

The last straw was right after exams and at the beginning of the second semester, which was the fight that changed everything. Sure, they’d been fighting all year about not seeing each other, partying and stress and everything. But this fight – god, it was awful.

Michael had come up to his dorm, and had found Luke waiting on his bed.

“Luke!” Michael had exclaimed, jumping onto him and practically knocking them both on the bed. 

“Hey Mikey.” Luke placed a kissed upon Michael’s lips; Michael missed those lips a lot.

“What are you doing here?” Curiosity laced Michael’s voice, assuming his boyfriend was probably busy doing schoolwork.

Luke smiled. “Well, since it’s the first day of the semester there was no homework, which will probably never happen. So I thought; let’s take advantage of that and spend time with my wonderful boyfriend!” Luke ended his statement by capturing Michael’s lips in his.

Michael grinned at his boyfriend. He was so happy that Luke thought of him first. Michael felt a bit guilty, because he had assumed that Luke would be studying. He immediately pushed that guilt back, and focused on the beautiful angel in front of him.

“I’d love that.”

Luke readjusted them so that Michael’s head was lying on Luke’s chest, and Luke’s hand was absentmindedly stroking Michael’s hair that was currently a dark blue colour. 

Michael wishes so, so fucking badly that he could take back what had come out of his mouth next.

“Actually, I was going to go to a party with Ash and Cal. I know you don’t like parties…but it would be fun! And I know you haven’t seen them in a while. They miss you.” Michael looked up to his boyfriend, surprised when he found a look of what seemed to be hurt across Luke’s face.

Luke coughed then spoke. “Mikey…..it’s our first night together and you want to spend it with other people?”

Michael’s eyes widened and he sat up. “No! No that’s not what I meant. I thought it would be fun.”

Luke sat up as well, gaze meeting Michael’s. “Also….normally you text first before you go out. Not to be needy, but why didn’t you this time?”

Michael looked down at his hands, slightly mumbling the next part – he knew he’d fucked up. “I just … assumed you’d be studying. Like always.”

Luke was standing now and Michael could see tears brimming in his eyes. Oh no, no, this was not happening – their fights had never brought either to tears. 

“Like always? What’s that supposed to mean? I know I spend a lot of time on my course work, Michael.” The use of his full name and not his nickname, Mikey, stung Michael’s heart a bit. “But I always, always text you or inform you of what I’m up to! I always, no matter what, put our relationship first and I know it’s been shitty with everything happening but I’m trying here!”

Michael was standing now too, staring at Luke and heart breaking seeing the tears in his eyes. But Michael had to let his side of the story be known. “I know Luke, but don’t you think it really fucking hurts when your boyfriend is always fucking canceling on you or never even attempting to make plans! Just a simple fucking text that says ‘I have to study tonight, sorry, bye!” isn’t enough!”

“Like you’re any better!” Luke retaliated, getting closer to Michael. “These past months you barely even fucking reply to my texts! You know why, Michael? You’re always fucking partying! And it hurts man! You know I don’t like you partying and I’m scared somethings gonna happen to you!” Luke was practically on Michael now, and both had angry tears slowly flowing; their breath was heavy and both their fists were clenched.

What Michael said next was probably the stupidest thing in the entire world.

“Why does your fucking opinion matter on what I do or whether I get hurt when you seem to care more about your fucking coursework than your goddamn boyfriend!?” 

Luke’s eyes widened at that statement, shock covering his face at Michael’s statement. Michael's hand flew to his mouth after that came out, instantly regret washing over him.

“No, no-“Michael gasped, having to hold back sobs he knew were coming. “I didn’t – I didn’t mean that!”

Luke wasn’t even loudly crying or speaking anymore, just silent tears cascading down his porcelain skin. A raw laugh escaped Luke’s mouth, and the words Michael never wanted to hear came out of that mouth next.

“Then maybe I’ll start a relationship with my classes, instead of you, Michael. Because since you really think that something as stupid as that means more to me than our relationship shows that it didn’t really mean much to you, did it? We’re through, Michael. Goodbye.”

Luke turned on his heel, walking out of the room and leaving Michael confused, heartbroken and a sobbing mess

***

_ first, you think the worst is a broken heart _

The first month after a breakup sucks. 

Michael was pretty much a shell the entire time. He remembers Calum and Ashton coming into his room a couple times and bringing food or something, but that month is fuzzy. The first month is when you feel what’s happening isn’t real and numbness takes over your body. 

He would blindly go to class, blindly play music, and do everything blindly.

Not once in the first month did he go to a party.

***

_ what’s gonna kill you is the second part _

The second month was when it hit Michael like a fucking train.

He was looking at his report card and he was failing all his classes, so his first instinct was to grab his phone and call Luke.

But then he remembers that Luke wasn’t his anymore.

They haven’t even seen nor spoken to each other in two months.

Michael just stares at his phone and looks through all this cute messages with Luke, all of the missed dates, the cute messages, everything he fucked up on.

He regrets going to that fucking party in the first place. 

***

_ and the third, is when your world splits down the middle _

It was midnight when Michael was so desperately in need of someone to talk to that he was going to call Luke.

They haven’t spoken in three months, and Michael thought maybe if they talked on the phone or at least tried, they could resolve everything. He could take back what he said, he could fix things.

At least he thought he could.

So Michael grabs his phone, and clicks on the contact he has barely even glanced at for the past three months.

Michael’s breathing had picked up and it felt as though a cloud of anxiety had embraced his entire body, but he could do this. Michael  _ need  _ this.

The dial tone stops, and a tired sounded voice picked up. “Hello?”

“Luke?”

“Who is this, and why are you calling me at midnight?”

That when Michael's heart split in half. The confirmation that Luke had deleted his number, all their messages to each other, their memories? Michael tries his best not to cry, tries his best not to let it get to him.

“It-it’s Michael.” Michael curses himself for stuttering and sounding vulnerable.

Michael hears a laugh on the other end of the line. “Of course it is. You’re probably only calling because you’re drunk from a party. Or maybe not? Really hurts when someone makes an assumption like that. Bye, Michael.” 

Michael panics, rushing out a “Wait, Luke wa-“before the dial tone cuts him off.

Michael stars at his phone, his tears dripping onto the surface of his phone, right onto Luke’s name.

Michael cries himself to sleep again that night.

***

_ and fourth, when you think that you’ve fixed yourself _

Michael was doing okay the fourth month. He was talking to Ashton and Calum more, making new friends, boosting his grades and averages for his classes.

What Luke said on the phone really hit him, and that was when he knew Luke didn’t want him back.

Yet, there was still a hope lingering in Michael’s that Luke would take him back. That hope was the only thing keeping him sane.

***

_ fifth, you see them out with someone else _

Michael has held onto that hope like a lifeline, but then it became five months since he last had his Luke.  One image Michael never, ever believed he would see in his life; one he never  _ wanted  _ to see, has completely cracked all remaining hope Michael had left and sent it crashing and burning to the ground.

On the bench in front of the coffee shop was Luke, sitting and making out with a tall, tan guy with somewhat long brown hair.

They were _making out._ _Luke was kissing someone that was not Michael._

Michael wills himself not to start crying in public. He was still torn up about the break up, but Luke has already moved on? His heart ached in his chest, but Michael decides to ignore it. He’s gotten pretty used to that ache at this point.

Pushing his thoughts of heartache back, Michael realises this might be one of his only opportunities to see or even speak to Luke again.

Michael walks over to the two boys – he refuses to call them a couple – and coughs.

Luke and the guy break their kiss and look slightly annoyed at the interruption. Luke’s gaze softens when seeing Michael, which surprises him – Michael thought he would be pissed, honestly.

“Hi, Luke.” Michael spoke, trying to keep his voice monotone. “Who’s this?”

Luke smiles and gestures to his new person. The person that is currently sitting where Michael should be. “This is Simon. We met a month ago in our new psych course. Simon, Michael. Michael, Simon.”

Michael awkwardly shakes Simon’s hand, Simon being at least a foot taller. “Ah, so this is the Michael I keep hearing about. Nice meeting you. But I have to go to class. Bye, Luke!” Simon kisses Luke – Michael’s Luke – goodbye, and Michael almost breaks watching Luke’s expression watching him.

Luke used to look at Michael like that. 

Luke pats the seat next to him and Michael obeys, sitting down beside him. “How’s Michael?” Luke asks, and Michael thinks he hears genuine concern in his voice.

“I’m good.” Michael lies. He wasn’t good. “I see you’re happy with…uh…Simon.”

Luke smiles. “Yeah, I am. “

Michael sighs. He has to get this out. If he doesn’t say it now, he’s not sure when -  _ if - _ he will have this opportunity again. 

“I’m sorry. Luke really I –“Michael is unexpectedly cut off by Luke’s hand over his mouth.

Luke holds Michael’s gaze and Michael swears he could see the ocean in his eyes. “Michael, it’s okay. I forgive you. I’ve moved on…I assume you have to.” Michael looks down at that statement. “I realised that our fighting throughout the relationship would lead to y’know...what ended up happening. We..we both had equal part in it honestly. What can you do? It’s over now.”

Michael’s heart is slowly breaking into tiny little fragments of its former self. It was already broken in half; and now he’s sure it doesn’t even exist anymore. Luke seems so happy, and Michael was still pining for him. Michael decides to be honest with him then; he would always tell Luke the truth. In the back of Michael’s head there was still that small, flickering light of hope telling him that maybe, just maybe, he could get Luke back.

Michael swallows the tears he feels coming his tears and speaks up. “You asked how I was and I said I was good, but I lied. I can’t stop thinking about us. We were each other’s star.” Michael started choking up at this statement, and couldn’t will himself to look Luke in the eye. “We burnt bright around each other, and no matter how many times we flickered or started to die, one of us would pick the other back up before we crashed into the sun, refuelling that spark. Part of me was holding onto the hope that we could refuel that spark again.”

Michael has silent tears streaming now, a small silence between them. Then, Michael’s breath caught in his throat when Luke’s finger finds itself under Michael’s chin, and Luke is tilting Michaels face upwards with one hand, the other wiping the tears Michael had let go with a gentle smile on his face.

“We were stars, Michael.” Luke had a sad smile on his face while speaking. “But the key word there is  _ were.  _ We burnt brighter than anyone else I knew. We burnt brighter around each other, but we slowly kept making the other’s light dimmer and dimmer, and we weren’t shining as bright anymore. Our decisions kept slowly burning the other out, until one of us was left completely dry and didn’t shine at all while the other slowly kept flickering on. Those small flickers were the love we had left for each other, I think. Unfortunately, I burnt out before you, Michael and you’re still barely flickering and trying to keep us alive. But our star has run its course, Michael. It’s burnt out. It’s another dead star floating in space now.” Luke held onto Michael's hand now, Michael is slowly crying harder with each sentence Luke speaks, and he is full on sobbing by the end. His words practically shot an arrow through what was remaining Michael’s heart, taking the final piece with it.

Michael sniffles and uses his sweater to wipe his face. “You-you said our star is dead. Does that mean you don’t want to remember our relationship anymore?” Michael looks up to Luke’s eyes, seeing tears in them as well.

“No, Michael. I want to remember everything about. It was both of our first relationships. It was a relationship filled with firsts. But sadly, when that relationship was born into the real world, it couldn’t handle it. We were strong, Michael, and I wish we didn’t burn out, but sometimes that happens. And it just so happened, it did happen to us. I’ll always remember our high school memories, but we can’t dwell on the past, can we?”

Michael wants to dwell on the past. He wants to be in the past so fucking bad; the past is where Luke is.  Michael wants Luke’s arms around him and Luke’s cuddles and his kisses. Michael wants Luke to love him.

But he couldn’t have that anymore.

“Mikey?” Luke whispers, and Michael looks up, heart still quickening pace at Luke’s nickname for him.

“Yeah?”

“Friends, though, right? We can start over that way?”

Michael didn’t want only friendship, but the genuine smile on Luke’s face, Michael couldn’t resist. He knew it would hurt to be so close to Luke and see him with someone else, but Michael knew that having Luke in his life at all was a blessing.

“Yeah.” Michael whispers back, “Friends.”

***

_ and the sixth is when you admit, you may have fucked up a little _

It’s been six months since the breakup, and Michael was pathetically sitting on his bed, staring at the roof, scenes of his and Luke’s relationship on constant replay in his head.

God, he was lame. Luke has moved on and Michael’s still here sobbing about something that ended so long ago. But Michael can’t get his thoughts to shut up most of the time, and he often finds himself dwelling on the little factors of his and Luke’s relationship.

So many little things could have been done differently, things that could’ve changed the outcome that was inevitable. 

At least Luke was happy though, right? That’s all that matters. Michael likes seeing Luke happy, and Michael wants Luke happy. 

But Michael’s heart still hurt, because Michael wanted to be the one to bring a smile to Luke’s face.

Michael sighs and turns onto his side, briefly glancing at the picture of him and Luke he still has on his nightstand before staring out the window, mind still reflecting on all the beautiful memories of their relationship.

As Michael stares outside, he could see the faint shadows of none other than Luke and Simon sitting and cuddling on the bench across the lawn from his dorm.

Michael sighs once again and lay back down in his bed, only one thought going through his head, the same thought that’s been on repeat in his head for the past six months.

God, he’d really fucked up the most important thing in the world to him, didn’t he?

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you like you can find me on tumblr at candyflossclifford as well! thank you again! :)<3


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